


Goodbye My Almost Lover

by Synnerxx



Category: Will & Grace
Genre: Angst, M/M, Rejection, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-22
Updated: 2010-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-31 03:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10891113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: Jack doesn't deal too well with Will's rejection.





	Goodbye My Almost Lover

_Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm trees swaying in the wind  
Images  
You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick_

Jack knows what it feels like to have Will's fingers touch his skin and trace feather light patterns across it. He knows what it's like to have all his hopes and dreams crushed by Will as he tells him that they weren't meant to be together. Jack knows better. He knows that Will is just afraid of admitting his real feelings, but no matter how hard he tries, this isn't a battle he's going to win. He's losing everything when he loses Will. His heart, his soul, his mind. The pain consumes him, even though Will looks regretful, he still stands firm in his decision to not be with Jack, even though Jack has never loved anyone as much as he's loved Will, will always love him. It's not fair and Jack can't stop crying, but that's life for you. You work and work and want and ache for something so bad and so hard, but in the end, it's still not yours and it never will be.

_Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me  
Goodbye my almost lover  
Goodbye my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not think about you  
Can't you just let me be?_

He should have known it would have been useless to tell Will his feelings for him. He should have known that Will wouldn't feel the same. After all, hadn't he rejected him twice now? Hadn't he always ignored the comments, the looks, everything Jack sent his way that hinted that he wanted more than just friendship from Will? Yes, every single time. He brushed them off, laughed at them, made fun of them. Jack tries to ignore his feelings now, they do him no good. All they do is bring him pain and heartache and, quite frankly, he's damn tired of that. He sees now that it was all just wishful thinking on his part, the hope that Will could love him the way Jack loved him. Now he just wants the feelings to leave him alone. He's so sick of being depressed and pining over the one man he can never have. He's tired of never being able to have a real relationship with anyone because he can't give them his heart when someone else already holds it, but they don't want it, but they won't even give it back. He wishes he could say goodbye to it all, but he knows that he can't. He loves Will too much, even if Will doesn't love him.

_So long my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_

Jack turns his back on the feelings, ignoring them, pretending it doesn't hurt when Will goes out with another guy who's not him. He pastes on a happy face and tries not to be bitter and jealous, but he can't help it. He should have known that the only thing these feelings would lead too was heartache and loneliness and the humiliation of having Will know that he is in love with him and that Will doesn't feel the same. It hurts that everyone else thinks they'd be perfect together, but Will won't even give him a chance to prove that they can be. It's changed everything and Jack hates it. He wishes he could take back the moment that he told Will he loved him. He wishes that he could have somehow known that Will would reject him before he ever said anything. Though he supposes he should have seen this coming. He doesn't have that great of a track record and Will is famous for his self sabotage. This isn't about either of those things though. This is all about Will truly not having feelings for him, no matter how much he'd like to deny that part of it. It kills him to know that Will has never and will never see him as anything other than a friend.

_We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade  
And when you left, you kissed my lips  
You told me you would never ever forget these images  
No_

They'd spent years flirting with each other and now Jack understands it was nothing more than a joke, a game to Will. He never really meant anything by it. It wasn't real. At least, he'd always have Will as a friend. Will had even tried to comfort him after his rejection, but Jack didn't want it. He didn't want anything except Will's love and he wasn't getting that any time soon. Well, just a friend love, but that wasn't enough for him. Not any more. Not when he'd had a taste of what could be when they woke up that morning on Karen's yacht. He had told Will he didn't remember what had happened, but the truth was he did. He remembered the way that Will had kissed him sloppily and the way that he had tugged him into bed with him, kissing and stroking every part of skin that he could get too. Jack didn't tell him that they had both passed out without anything happening except some heavy touching and kissing, but he knew Will remembered, could see it in his eyes. It didn't matter now though.

_Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me  
Goodbye my almost lover  
Goodbye my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not think about you  
Can't you just let me be?_

He never wanted Will to be unhappy, so he never mentions his feelings again. He knew Will felt guilty over not returning his love, but that wasn't Will's fault. After all, you can't choose who you fall in love with and you can't help if you don't feel the same for someone else. It hurts more and more each day, living across the hall from Will and having to see and hear him being so happy with Vince. He moves in with Karen, much to Will's dismay. He pleads with Jack for him not to go, but Jack can't stay there any longer, so he says goodbye and hides away in Karen's mansion, away from everyone, even Karen herself. There's nothing that anyone can say to make him feel better and he doesn't want to hear it anyway. The thoughts of Will still follow him, still torment him. He wishes they would leave him be, but they never will.

_So long my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_

He distances himself from Will, going over less and less, in an attempt to make the feelings go away. He throws himself into work and sleeping with even more guys than before. It doesn't work. The feelings and thoughts are always there with him and whoever else he's got this time. He even pulls away from Karen and that causes her to be concerned for her Poodle. Even she knows it's wrong of Will to have rejected him and she never saw it coming. Neither did Grace and neither one of them can figure out how they missed that important detail of the years. They'd always assumed that Will and Jack would end up together one of these days. Now it seemed that Jack would only suffer in silence and their friendship would never be the same. Will didn't know how to repair it and Jack wasn't helping matters by pulling away from everyone.

_I cannot go to the ocean  
I cannot drive the streets at night  
I cannot wake up in the morning  
Without you on my mind  
So you're gone and I'm haunted  
And I bet you're just fine_

Will moves on, settling in the new brownstone with Vince and a few years after that, adopting a child. Jack isn't so lucky. Everything he does reminds him of Will in someway and he's never gotten over that final rejection and he can't stop thinking about Will every morning, noon and night, even though they no longer even speak all that much. The only time they really see each other is if they're both at the gym and then it's only an awkward and strained hello before they part, each mourning the loss of their friendship. Jack knows Will is doing way better than he is. He's got the perfect husband, a baby, his own private firm, and Jack has nothing. Nothing except the guys he sleeps with and doesn't love and the money that Karen gives him. He still lives with her. There's nowhere else he can go anyway. He's too broken and Will is just fine. Will's more than fine, he fucking perfect.

_Did I make it that easy  
To walk right in and out of my life  
Goodbye my almost lover  
Goodbye my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?_

Jack just wants to know if he even crosses Will's mind anymore. For him, it happens all the time. Was he really that easy to leave behind? He supposes he must be. After all, the friend he had for twenty something years has. He knows it's his fault too, but that doesn't stop him from blaming Will too. Will was supposed to be the one to fix things because that was what Will did. He couldn't fix Jack though. Jack was more than just broken. He was shattered and there wasn't anything that anyone could do. Well, there was something someone could do, but it was never going to happen and it didn't matter anyway. You'd think that after so many years it wouldn't hurt this bad, but you'd be wrong, wouldn't you?

_So long my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_

Really, Jack should have known that things would never have worked out between them anyway. He was all chaos and spontaneity whereas Will was order and a planner. He had to know what was going to happen every minute of every day. Jack just went with the flow, but Will had never been that way. Jack supposes it was better that they never got together instead of them getting together and then ruining each other. Even he doesn't believe that. His heart hurts too much for that to work. He really should have known that it would have ended in his own heartache though. There had never been any other outcome. He just wishes he had never met Will some days, or at the very least that he had never fallen for him. Life would be so much easier and maybe he would have stood a chance to be happy. He doubts it though. It doesn't seem that he deserves happiness now. He doesn't have Will and never will, so what's there to be happy about in life? Nothing.


End file.
